Flickermaus Bloopers

Unlike most writers, I’m more of a speaker. I can and do write, but it doesn’t feel like my writing unless I speak my lines first. To accomplish this, I use dictation. But the software I use is only so good, and the transcriptions…Well…

This is the result.

So on top of the gibberish, I like to crack jokes to myself as I take notes. Some of these lines are not as mangled, and this is by design. I’ve put them there to guide you through the insanity of this page. Like with Flickermaus, these contain spoilers, or rather, esoteric suggestions of spoilers. Most vampires keel over at the end of their respective films, but in case you want a truly blind viewing, stop while you’re here.

Blood for Dracula

Angie Whol present black blackacular

So, already the film extremely high shadowows,

Andos Dracula

Come on 90 v holes dring to do something.

I'm sure this will makes it oh okay we got a bite tea.

And he just instantly beans her in the neck and he's like kind of squirming a little bit as he does it.

Oh my god, there's a ham circle here.

And we get the, I believe that is the Andy Warhol. Yes, that is the Dracula.

Um, what did Amy Warhol mean by this?

Well, she's not reallyious. It's just cut off Dracagon's arm with an ax.

Dracula (1970)

H's fro is Dracula 197

And it has Christopher Lee in it, which is mental because he fucking hated doing this shit for Hammer after a point.

it looks like the 1922 nose Feratu colours

We got a bunch of not wolves.

I can't remember how violent he is, actually, butoy is, he is very spewy...

Renfields just straight up gets hell from her thing.

Also, he actually does nuzzle his victims when he bites them.

The fucking taxobby scene destroys me.

Dracula is burnt to the deaf in his coffin, but it's not very graphic.

And then they tip it over the battlements, and then he is extremely dead.

in the film ends.

That is Jesusisi's friend goes, "Count Dracula, given up for the most accurate adaptation of all time."

And Christopher Lee's personal favourite of the Budget to Do, because it was actually like actually North Erness.

Daughters of Darkness

All right is the darkness shoking films Mayor films, a Belgian French German co-roduction okay alright I see how it is.

There's lots of neck slurping, very symbolic. The size a lot about earth.

We also got now, is this digestic lighting or non digetic?

But it's not warm tinted, like, you know, Hazey's Franco's Dracula is.

Yeah, this film's fingers red, but also, like, you know, it likes using red as a fave in.

Wait, if she mom her do some b wash it.

I think there is Soviet to say about how sexualised depicted.

Yeah, this film really wants to tint.

A table gets knocked over, rest in peace of lobster.

Dracula (1992)

Let's do um Bram Stoker's Dracula the Francis 4 Coppola one.

Obviously, we have the very famous shadow that boos with him.

Like they're licking him, they're they are undressing him, they're basically molesting him and then they... they're doing a sort of truffle trophalaxis there.

Could this be ripe? Is this consensual?

And Dracrinus is very powerful, very strong presence, very physically imposing.

Would you simple would you die?

And also, when she gets staked, of course, of course they make her white, obviously, because, you know, when they get, like, let's see what happens.

Very snipe motif

You know, he does Christmas colours. He's Count Chris Kringula.

Oh, shit, he's turning to a drawing that thing.

He sorts up as wings, but they're not reading wings, and we'll like shitty arm wings that wouldn't make him fly.

Fright Night

yes, a boobs.

like places where you would largically find them, like a nightclub.

Jerry, it's vampire, is very slow and suave. He's good looking, he's tall. He wears a big coat.

Jerry bloats and smiles.

Like, Jerry all get tendrils on everyone.

He's very confident in his new vampire for Sona.

Gerry basically hypnotises her into a sort of complacency.

They're like they're naked, they're by a fireplace, Brad Fidel's music is screaming down your ears

Jerry's house is just turned into a fog machine in the climax

he gets steakaked,

he turns into his bat form, but he's like too busy dying?

Interview with the Vampire

okay I don't know if the guy playing Louis just naturally looks scary or if his vampire makeup looks really good.

And the stat takes advantage of him and bites him

List that is so good as a vampire.

The stat is bored.

L's that basically ambushes him and he starts gurning and squirming and choking out on the floor.

And the sap just pounces on him.

I actually have a serious thing for Lat.

Also, Louis takes way too much from he's a gidy boy.

The stat also does drain blood from my rat.

I don't know if you would consider this a sense of humour because two dogs do die horribly

Killing rats. Poodles, you gonna finish this bar and he's like, "You danged me the hell!" And they fight each other a bit as well.

Like, Louis pushes him against the wall and he's cling at him, he's like, he's like, "Yes, Louis, you are all that, "Yes, Louis, this is awesome.

They're not just going to think dirt is a monster.

Theat finds out what does he do?

please feel sorry for the slight Fantation owner

the stout has bursted through the window.

L that is dancing with the corts of the mom.

The start adores her.

Obviously, we know that to Laestat this is a conditional affection.

You don't want to leave her with fucking blastat.

Like, she's absolutely transfixed, and when the sack kind of goes to her, she kind of shelters behind Louie.

she comes to wiseen up and look past a lot of the stats, desire for opulence and luxury, and she begins to see it for what it is, which is he is absolutely full of doodoo water.

Um Okay, Claudia is a direct consequence of Lat's

Oh, she's sashhes a stat on both cheeks.

Louis bisex this guy, but he doesn't do it in a clean way, he doesn't in a diagonal way, and you actually do see the in there.

He grips up with Almond's for a little bits.

The sad is back. Oh, my God.

He goes about to torment the stat.

And instantly the sat is back

Kiss of the Vampire

Then the whole crowd just goes running for the hills the proof crosses itself!

A tree almost falls on a woman. It's like, it's like, hey, welcome to Kiss of the Vampire. We got killer trees.

This is a like Christopoli

They do the whole thing of like the slow seduction, the way he backs her onto the bed is extremely cryopherly coded.

And there's a bunch of really shitty.

If all this rum is vampires

So the moral of the story here, kid, is magic is good.

The Vampire and the Ballerina

Um So we got a bunch of ballinas.

And we got this lady who totally isn't a vampus, you guys.

Like, welcome to my castle. Here's a here's a fucking Candelabra a bats on it.

There's the longest fang on the vampire I've ever seen in a movie.

Give her to your coffee because it's your couch of the kingdom to the dead okay

No, no. Stop presenting your ass to the vampire.

He goes to the grabber.

Then satche falls over and comedic st next to them.

Lust for a Vampire

lost full of vampire let's see come on. Get going.

And I would like a spooby and yeah, this other person enters and then screams wordlessly and then like just actually screams.

I think the greens are brighter in any hammer movie. like, in any of the main hammer Dragons anyways.

Oh, my God, we got to the Christopher L X foo.

But he has a goatee and he kind of has this sort of Anton the V vibe, except he's not bald.

Okay, never mind. I think this is the most blatant ripoff besides Count Yurt. I'm giving Count Yger credit.

They're like yellow orangeanges.

He's raising herball through his style.

We got his vamporous assistant, who is robed, except we get to see all of our cleavage, because of course we do.

Okay, so now we got a very, we got a skeington.

It also doesn't help that a vampous respawns naked

We also get some female breasts which instantly makes this eggier than a lot of hammer productions

I melted into a puzzle of shit on the spot.

So he gets a red vampire run vampire hypnosis.

Okay, so let me get this straight. Lust for a vampire ends when the vampires are perfectly fine with being in a burning castle until one of their own has falling rubble shit on them from the sky and then they just sit there and do nothing inside, no attempt to escape, no attempt to mitigate this.

The Vampire Lovers

The vampire lovers everyone in memoriam

Last time I checked this one is supposed to be a Carilla adaptation

.Let me just get the volume up. ruin castle.

So watch this film if he wants a nipples.

And then she immediately tries to bite him. So typical lady vyd trope of trying to bite a man and then he tries to resist, and then he decapitates her, which is very graphic for the time period.

Oh, shit, Peter cushions in the swan.

Okay. So this film starts out of a vampire, D a vamp risk gets decapitated, because that's but usual, they are completely disposable and you can just get rid of them, killer shits in the women, it doesn't fucking matter.

So he's riding on a black horse, and he's giving her a little grain

We got a guy coming down the stairs and there's ple

She's only wearing bright red and has a cleaage hour, the good girl also has a cleavage out and is wearing blue and and her tits aren't out as far. Oh no.

And she's winking from a gobless so scary.

Also, we get to see these beast like eyes, which I think are a reference to the fact that Carmella turns into a big pampa as she gets out of her bed and a fucking tits to, like, all the way out, like, oh my God, like, you don't see the nipples, but it's like that they go they're really going out of the way to choose is incredibly revealing up is for these women.

Always a massive trope in these films is Lady Manamppire's will usually just bumbrush their victims and they don't usually get it to work.

He's going to give it a big, chubby and bling.

I guess if you're sensitive to decapitations. Ooh, spooky, Ooh, spooky..

This painting that they doing Skeing the newsy.