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How to raise a Dragon and Autonomy


Written: 25/05/24

17 Minute Read

How to Raise a Dragon is a quaint little flash game from 2009, and as its title implies, it revolves around the life of a dragon. This game, likely familiar to many 2000’s children, also comes with a fascinating story about autonomy and trauma.


Hatching and your initial choices

You start as a freshly hatched baby dragon. Even as a baby, your autonomy is made loud and clear; dragons are not like typical animal babies, being capable of protecting themselves. From your eggshell, you wander about a tranquil forest, accompanied by a chorus of birdsong. As you roam through your big new world you’ll encounter edible plants, which if consumed, will alter the colour of your scales. The game will let you choose whatever plants you can eat, and if you eat several types of plant, you can mix colours. Besides basic movement, this is your first main choice. However, as the game explains colouration, the major themes of its story begin to reveal themselves.

“A dragon’s scales can take on almost any colour in the rainbow: contrary to popular folklore, the colour of the dragon has little to do with the dragon’s temperament or abilities.”

This highlights the diversity and free-will of dragons, but it also highlights that even from birth, they are subject to stereotyping by humans.

“The colour of the dragon’s scales depends entirely on the foods it eats when it is still a hatchling: it is unclear what causes a dragon to prefer one food over another — it may simply be a matter of personal preference. “

This quote elaborates on the dragon’s free-will and desire to act independently, even from birth. This also demonstrates how similar dragons and humans are, even with their differences.

Amongst the plants, you’re given another series of choices, this being how you traverse the forest; climbing out of a cave to reach a waterfall, climbing tree branches and hopping about, or simply staying on the ground. Whatever route you take, you’ll then go back to the ground and walk for a few more seconds. Little do you know, these are your last moments of uninterrupted peace. You are soon stopped by a wizard, who towers above your tiny scaly form. Upon seeing you, he casts a spell and traps you in a magical cage. This is when you realise that your choices have run out. Your autonomy is removed, and you are to spend the rest of your hatchling years in bondage. The game comments on the ethics of keeping such an intelligent creature imprisoned, despite the uses one can derive from its bodily functions. This, is where I feel the game’s compassion for living beings really kicks in. This is when the commentary begins.

“The ethics of holding captive a sentient creature are of course, questionable…as is the wisdom of keeping such a creature for too long.”

Due to your post-human knowledge (a fact explicitly acknowledged by the game), you are not merely a pet or a piece of livestock, you are sentient and you have been held captive. Pets are not held captive, neither is livestock. This, the game highlights, is different. You are enslaved. The game never outright states the latter phrase, but you as the player can deduce this through how intelligent dragons are stated to be. You are not just a mindless creature, you are a complicated being that can feel beyond the capacity of human emotion. You are more nuanced than your human captor would possibly like to admit.


Adolescence: Plans into Motion

You are now an adolescent, and unfortunately, still trapped in your unnatural confinement. The cage remains, having been brought to the wizard’s personal castle. It hasn’t been too long, as the old wizard still lives, but now, he can’t hold you any longer. You, now as tall as a grown man, outgrow your cage and shatter it in a symbollic display.

From here, you regain your autonomy, and it returns with a vengeance. The edible plants you ate as a hatchling are back, albeit in a different form. Eat these, and you can gain breath powers. Anything uniquely green and floral will give you a plant-growing breath. Anything uniquely blue will give you healing breath that can mend wounds and reanimate the dead. Then finally, anything uniquely red will give you the ability to breathe fire. You don’t have to consume these objects, and escaping without any powers is perfectly doable, but many players take pleasure in this newfound freedom.

With the plant breath, you can go to the very left of the castle level and breathe onto a withered tree. There it will be rejuvenated into a towering height, and from there, you can climb on its branches to jump over the castle wall. This dragon does not destroy, it only creates new paths and flees from the source of its trauma. To me, this evasive method of gaining freedom reminds me of the behaviours that traumatised people develop. When you’re traumatised, you can feel out of control, and desire to reclaim the feeling of control by any means necessary. This can go horribly wrong and devolve into the behaviours I’ll discuss later, but here, the plant dragon is the healthiest example of this, expressing itself harmlessly and removing itself from the situation. An artist may create things, a collector finds items, an observer watches what it loves, and a reader seeks the refuge of words.

With the healing breath, you can perform an act of forgiveness so unfathomable I’m shocked they even included it. You can forgive the wizard. The wizard, at this point in the game, is deathly ill. He lays withering in his bed on the top floor of his fortress, and there, you can come to visit him. If you blow your healing breath onto his heaving body, he’ll instantaneously return to good health. Then, grateful for your help, he releases you back to the wild.

“Occassionally, a captive dragon will forgive its captor and perform an act of kindness in a time of need.
The dragon is in every way; a superior beast to the human. Superior in mind, superior in body and superior in heart. When a dragon shows anger; it burns brighter than any human rage, but draconic forgiveness shines even brighter. Only the most callous of captors could resist releasing such a noble beast.”

Despite all of the isolation he’s put you through, you can pity his miserable state and appeal to the humanity inside him. You can forgive him. Your love can outshine your anger, and as the game infers, while the wizard is selfish, he is not cruel. Now, many people do not forgive like this, I myself am not inclined towards this choice, but I do appreciate it. To me, the healer dragon represents the transmutation of trauma into emotional awareness, and defying the idea that if you are traumatised, you are doomed to repeat the cycle. The healer dragon, by healing the selfish (and clearly dimwitted) wizard, is on the path to reclaiming its relationship with humanity.

Finally, the fire breath, the most spectacular of the methods. Like the plant-breathing dragon, you can use your fire breath to do this peacefully. Burn down a pile of hay, run through and you’re off. However, here comes a thing the plant dragon cannot do. You can also climb to the top of the tower, find your ailing captor and burn him alive. For some players, they likely anticipate the game to acknowledge this. You’ve killed the wizard, he’s dead by your own claws. The roles have reversed, you took him when he was vulnerable, as he did to you when you were a hatchling. It’s the purest form of revenge.

Yet, the game does not acknowledge your gory achievement. You don’t get a dialogue box. You don’t get any dramatic fanfare. He doesn’t even let out a satisfying scream when he dies. It’s just you, his charred corpse, and the ever present sounds of birdsong. In your stunned silence, you realise that your act of violence did not free you, it only distracted you from the reality of the matter. For all the catharsis of killing the wizard, you are still trapped and you still need to find a way out.

Or, you can slink out of the castle sewers in silence, and leave things as they are. You will escape without growing, healing or killing anything. You’ll leave as quickly as you came, for the game reminds you that no matter what, no dragon can be kept past adolescence. The wizard will continue to deteriorate, and potentially die from his illness, but at least he was lucky enough to be spared of your wrath. Maybe, in your flight, you were right to spare him, and not risk the devolution into violence that other dragons in your position fall into.


Adulthood, and the cycle of violence

At half a century, you are now an adult dragon. You tower above men and buildings alike. Your wings are fully formed, and you can fly now. Your breath, if you’d chosen one, is fully developed. It is time to go back into the wider world.

You start in a forest adjacent to a small settlement, and you can now decide how you want to treat the humans beneath you. As you go into the settlement, you’ll see an array of tiny, faceless whelps. Some of them are smeared with blood, visibly injured. Some of their crops are failing. You spot some guards; but all they can do is watch as you tromp about the place, completely unchallenged. Their castle has a roof that’s begging for you to nest on, it’s not like anyone can stop your fat dragon backside using it as such. If you step over the castle, you’ll see another farm, and then after that, a battlefield littered with the freshly dead. Overlooking the bloodshed, is a large hill you can settle on.

Now, onto what you can do with this place. First of all, you can be a Guardian of the humans by acting kindly and using their castle as your roost. To meet this criteria, you cannot claim a single life. Restore some crops, overgrow their houses, burn a few things, reanimate the dead, but harm not an ounce of their flesh. If you choose the hill instead of the castle, you will be known as a Watcher. Personally, it feels different nowadays, seeing how helpless these humans are compared to me. As you can likely tell from how I describe the tiny human sprites as “whelps”, I’ve come to pity them, and my instinct to care for them in some bizarre way comes in. I step around them delicately, I take care not to mis-press a button and gulp any down. For all of this wizard’s apathetic disrespect for my tiny self, it feels different being the towering goliath now. I tower over people the same way the wizard towered over me…and it doesn’t always feel good. It feels strange. All I wanted to do was live, but now I’m forced to constantly think about these humans. I was never given the choice not to; and in a way, even the most peaceful play-through comes with this air of sombreness. Protecting them gives me a sense of satisfaction, knowing I can use my power for good and defy the cycle of abuse, but even then, I’ll still face challenges for being a dragon. They’ll only like me so much, I’ll always be a bit misunderstood, even with my kindness. It’s like living with trauma, you’re always wondering what to do now, even when nobody can hurt you.

Second of all, and more tantalisingly for many players, you can absolutely lose it, go on a rampage and become a Tyrant. Burn, eat and stomp to your heart’s desire. Leave no man, woman or child alive. While you’re at it, raze their pathetic hovels to the ground, it’s the least they deserve for enabling your torment. If you choose the hill instead of the castle, you will be known as a Scourge. This was the preferred route for the childhood experience, stomping things! Eating people! Torching everything! Fun! But then now, as I play in this style, I realise how my trauma hypothesis continues to rears its head. Even as I’ve stripped this place of life, I’m still hungry for destruction. I want to do it over and over again, I want even more places to destroy. The sheer silence of the death I’ve brought then makes me stop, and pause. It’s just me, and the same sounds of birdsong that have been playing throughout this entire game. In my desire to exercise my autonomy, I’ve gone from an inquisitive fledgling, to a rebellious teenager and to the antithesis of free choice. Now I do what was done to me, and on a mass scale. I’ve destroyed these harmless townspeople selfishly and senselessly, people who could have been had better opinions on dragons; even the game acknowledges my actions as outright “cruel”. I had my choice taken from me, and when I’m given freedom, I do this with my power. If anything, as I seat myself on a throne of death and ruination, I deserve this hollow victory.


The Hero, and resolution

The Hero is a very sudden addition to this game, but thematically, a welcome one. He’s a funny little guy, he can jump as high as a house. This is when your control of the dragon ends, and your control over the hero starts. As you go through the same path the dragon did, you can pick up a bow to slay the beast, a sack of gold to appease it, or if its cold-blooded heart allows it, a flower as a token of friendship. You pick up your item and then guide the Hero through the settlement, whether it’s fine, overgrown, burned, or full of zombies. Don’t worry about the zombies, they won’t hurt you.

Then, whether it’s the castle or the hill, the dragon lies in wait. It lounges about in a state of majestic apathy, wondering what you have in store for it. Whatever you do here will end the game, and there’s a good few endings to choose from.

Slaying the Dragon: In roughly fifteen arrows, you kill the dragon. If it was a good dragon, then unfortunately, my hypothesis deems this as a stark reminder of betrayal and human cruelty. A dragon is still a dragon, and judgemental people remain so. Not every good deed will be appreciated, I hope you fly high in the stars, unfortunate one. To me, this is a horrendously tragic ending. If it was an evil dragon, then…that’s it. The cycle of violence is broken, with blood as its cost. It never had to end like this, but trauma can wreak havoc on one’s capacity for kindness if it’s not addressed. Not every traumatised individual will want to do good in this world. At this point, killing the evil dragon feels more like euthanasia than a grand victory. You knew that dragon, you watched it grow, and for all of the evil its committed, you cannot help but mourn for it, even if it was a shadow of a more innocent self.

Fall of the Hero: The dragon wins by tail-poking/toasting/chomping our Hero to death. Well…Here we go. If this is a good dragon, then well…aren’t we a poor excuse of a so-called hero? I personally frame it as the dragon being assertive, not cruel; after all, it did give us a chance to be nice to it. Perhaps now, the dragon has come full circle and broken the cycle of abuse, not with stereotypical acts of pacifism, but with strong, defensive action when it’s required. Set those boundaries, dragon! I love setting boundaries, setting boundaries is cool. I just think you need some friends now. If it’s an evil dragon, then at this point, defeat is inevitable, the hatred of this beast has made it too strong. A better Hero, or a fault of the dragon’s own pride will have to bring this monster down.

Service: If you serve a more evil dragon by giving it gold, then you enter its service.

“Through the appropriate tribute, a hero can appease a dragon enough to temper its attitudes toward humans. The hero must bring a gift and pledge service to the dragon.
In doing so, the human becomes a tool of the dragon, to advance the creature’s agenda. This provides the hero great power, but it also means that the hero’s freedom is granted only at the whim of the dragon. If a dragon abandons a servant, the servant is often executed by the other humans under the dragon’s control.”

This, to me, reads like a continuation of my emotions when I tried to be an evil dragon. More hollow victories, and a continuous shedding of the curiosity that made hatchling life so pleasant. The dragon has become worse than its captor could ever aspire to be, and is now violating the autonomy of others on a mass scale. The only hero that could have tried to stop it is reduced to an expendable pawn, completely vulnerable to the terms of this deal. All the townspeople can do is pray that this nightmare spares them from the worst of its malice, or that another hero will come along to save them from their plight. This is the cycle of abuse in play; it’s a bitter ending all-around.

Stalemate: If you time it just right, the Hero and the Dragon can die in poetic unison. You already know how I feel about killing the good dragon, so I’ll generally talk about the themes of this ending overall.

“When a truly determined hero faces an equally strong dragon, there is only one way a fight can end. The dragon, in its dying throes, will strike out at the hero and deal the fragile human a fatal blow.
This is a fate that both dragon and human are prepared for. When one transcends the ordinary, one expects an extraordinary end. The hero pays the ultimate price for a legendary victory."

To me, the two characters desire control and obtaining it on their own terms, even to the point of being willing to die for it. The Hero wants control over his own appearance as a noble warrior, and the dragon wants control after years of deprivation. It’s tragic, but in a sickeningly bittersweet way. The two got what they wanted, but only in death.

Friendship: My favourite ending, and what I think both dragon and hero deserve.

“With the proper gifts and greetings, a hero can befriend a dragon. The partnership thus formed is as strong as family or marriage. The hero and the dragon will fight for each other and serve as constant companions.
Such a partnership between two dissimilar beings is special. The greatest deeds in history were done by heroes paired with dragons, and I would venture that there is no more powerful force on earth.”

The cycle of abuse is broken, not by force, but by love. At last, the dragon is given a genuine chance to overcome its trepidation around humans and reclaim its relationship with humanity as a whole. The Hero gets to witness this and seek companionship in an unconventional, and as shown in the very start of this essay, misunderstood friend. As with many traumatised and mentally ill people, friendship and general social support can be fruitful incentives for personal growth. The dragon, as feared and othered as it is, isn’t a lost cause. It can find peace, after everything it has been through.

Then, comes the ending screen. It’s always a sunset, and depending on the ending, the Hero or the Dragon will be left standing. On the “service” ending, the two of them will stand. But on this ending, the two will stand together, and they feel together, as the flute music blows for one last time and the game comes to a close.


Conclusion

How to Raise a Dragon is a moving experience that I encourage all flash gamers to look at. It's utterly fascinated me since childhood, but now that I'm an adult I can explain why. It’s a short, simple game that anyone can pick up and play, but its careful attention to narrative shows off a higher level of thought put into it. Top that off with a soothing atmosphere and you have one of the most unique games of the 2000's flash game library. To see a game like this exploring how it would feel to be a dragon in a human world…well, as an autistic person, it doesn’t just comfort me, it speaks to me directly. The dragon's a misfit, and I relate to that. Then, I can control the dragon and steer it through the complexity of emotions; anger, resentment, distrust, and most of all, love and forgiveness. It doesn't have to end this way, and so, it won't.

Flash games are stereotypically crass and prone to bouts of gory spectacle, but How to Raise a Dragon defies this expectation. Through choices and storytelling, this game tells us that we always have the choice to be kind, even if the odds are stacked against us.



I'm cringe, but am I free?


Written: 23/05/24

5 Minute Read

An article about my attempts to reclaim the word "cringe".

For those of you active online during the 2010s, you were likely exposed to the word “cringe”, and its variants. You would have seen videos of people doing “cringe” or “cringy” things. You then got flustered, repressed the “cringe”, and then found this handy-dandy cure to your cringe woes several years ago.

“I am cringe, but I’m free.”

Refreshed your memory? Good. Now let’s cut to the chase. I have made an observation about “cringe”, and my various attempts to reclaim it. My partner and I did this for several years, almost half a decade. But in doing so, we discovered a major problem with this particular “fix” for being essentially…ourselves. We didn’t actually get over the embarrassment, instead, we accidentally reinforced it. This was essentially sixteen layers of irony and meming instead of actually dissecting the problem itself. So, because Rock and I have had an interesting little talk...I want to ask you if you've had this problem yourself. Are you cringe and free? Or are you cringe and ashamed? Are you using cringe as a smokescreen for your passions? Are you falling into a fatalistic cycle of accepting the blows that bullies and bigots throw at us? Is cringe possible to reclaim, or am I doing it wrong? Or have I merely hit a temporary roadblock?

Now, onto Rock and I's main issues with trying to (lovingly) call ourselves "cringe".

First, we take a lot of responsibility for other people’s bigotry. Now yes, reframing our thoughts is important, but frankly, what part of being a marginalised person was cringe to begin with? I, as a xenogender person, refuse to call myself cringe, even lovingly, for being Gendervoid. Believe me, I used to do it, but really, what is wrong with this identity? What is cringe? Yes, it may be “cringe” to close-minded people, but is it fair to place my source of joy into a different box just because other people do not forgive it? The joy is joy, it should count like any other kind of joy, not this “other” joy. I think here, we are forced to other ourselves even further instead of pointing out the absurdity of doing such a thing. We take responsibility for other people, instead of spearing them for their cruelty. Call me assimilationist if you wish, but I can’t tolerate this “putting myself in a corner” thing for so much longer. Why are they not embarrassing buffoons for hating other people for existing as who they are? If we are cringe, then what in the blue hell are these people?

Second, Lots of words can lose their intended meaning if the brain repeats them for long enough. I found myself hearing it internally, and even with the “cringe and free” mentality, my brain continuously forgot that indeed, I meant the “cringe” with love. I’m firmly for reclaiming words, I’m happy to be a queer, it was reclaimed so, so long ago by people. But cringe, whether through its freshness as a phrase, or the nature of it as a descriptor, does not carry the warmth that “weird” or “queer” does. Weird is a lovely word, it sends down this current of electric tickles, like a fullbody hug. Queer tangs and reverberates in my ears, spiralling into a kaleidoscopic daydream, like a Herbie Hancock solo. I don’t get that with cringe. Cringe is a word that I associate with folding in on myself, hiding, and…skulking about the place in shame. To me, cringe is a word of defeat. How do I reclaim the act of recoiling? How does cringe transform from hiding, to running about and thriving? I’ve tried, I really have, but there’s something about the nature of this word that does not bend to me. It does not translate the way these other words do. All I hear is the striking, piercing “cringe” that mentally flattens my body to the floor, like an oppressive force. No amount of smiling, laughing and supposedly “modest” jokes can suppress that emotion for me. Instead of overwhelming bigots with my sheer vibe, I feel like I’m crumpling into paper.

Third, and finally...To be frank, I feel that for me, attempting the word “cringe” is marred with a constant undercurrent of desperation. Every time I say it, even with love, there’s a twinge of guilt. There’s that little twitch, and at first, I ignored it. I’m just reclaiming it, how bad can it be? But then, it kept compounding. Even when we tried, and I mean, as much as physically possible during our phone calls, our attempts to make cringe “cool” and “loveable” backfired. Not in a massive explosion of failure, but as a subtle series of pinches to the skin. Bothersome, but not excruciating. Every person does have their limits, though, and even the lightest of things can become heavy over time. I finally cracked, and today, I said to Rock that this just wasn’t working. He agreed, and so, I wrote this essay during our phone call, all about this very topic. Now here, here is my final point of contention during my attempts to reclaim “cringe”: “Cringe” and “embarrassing” are essentially the same word, and I am not going to spend the rest of my life calling myself embarrassing. Why would “cringe” work on me as something to reclaim when it’s identical to calling someone “embarrassing”? It’s not as lethally horrible to receive, but when it means the same thing, it’s the same word in function. For me, calling myself and my passions “cringy” was more an unhealthy coping mechanism than a sincere reward for my persistence. It’s a lot of things, but it is not my shield anymore. It gave me the illusion of control, without actually giving me the control. I’ve outgrown the armour. I need something new.

If calling yourself cringe works for you, that's great, and I'm mildly envious. But, if you've had this exact problem, then I hope reading this essay has made you feel seen. If somehow, you are not my target reader and you actually enjoy deeming things "cringe", please dissect your emotions and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. I think we should be more interested in making ourselves happy and expressing ourselves than panicking about harmless activities that happen to be "cringe".



The Smog


Written: 28/02/23

6 Minute Read

My most fiery article, which talks about fear, overwork and pressure in webcomic scenes.

I see webcomic scenes the same way I see Victorian London; lit up by pockets of optimism within a sea of despair. Like the dim glow of gas lamps piercing through a vast cloak of all-consuming smog. Fear, in my short time within these scenes, is a worryingly present part of their culture. Whether this shows through bouts of venting or passive avoidance, it seems that more than ever, webcomic authors are afraid. After months of observation and discussion, I can now explain this issue in written form. I won’t pretend that I’m not angered by this, or that my anger won’t show, but it not an anger born from contempt. It is an anger born from a deep, unrelenting sorrow. What was once a refuge for the creative is now a whole new mental prison. It is now a series of gruelling, pointless tasks designed to break these haughty souls for even daring to try. Now, onto the three main reasons why these authors suffer so. These are in a sequential order, starting with the initial spark, and ending in what we know as the Smog.

  • Hobbyist artists feel pressured to conform to Corporate Standards/ The Fire: The effects of media criticism has struck the webcomic world like a knife into a soft underbelly. Like their illustrator peers, webcomic artists feel pressured to match corporate standards. They’re compelled to perform the workload and polish expected for teams of hundreds. These same artists then go on to debate on how to do this task “properly”, which one will come to realise is a euphemism for ”marketable”. These artists come to disregard art outside the boundaries of corporate design. Anything outside the boundaries must belong there for a reason, according to them. Never mind cult-followings or artistic intention, if it can not sell, it can not have worth. It devolves from simple internet bickering to a piteous rat-race to the top of the detritus. Whose art is the most “polished”? Whose premise reads the most like a successful pitch? Who would have the best chance of pleasing a publishing firm? In short, whose art is the most “worthy”? Anything that’s not worthy is not allowed to exist, you see. What’s the point of it existing if it cannot profit? For fun? For leisure? For your personal joy? Why, that can’t happen. Your “joy” makes my nervous system erupt in white-hot agony. Your joy isn’t profitable, your joy is a laughable thing that must be overridden at once. You see, the pleasure of one lowly workhorse that we call an “artist”, is worthless. Why bother with a lame horse when we can turn elsewhere for a fitter, healthier, more…ehem, worthy one? So these artists push themselves, and more often than not, until they break. They flagellate themselves for not making a desired number of pages per week. They chatter about paying for online advertising and puff-piece articles. They dance around the idea of worthiness with the fervour of a modern day dancing plague. They no longer see themselves as humble hobbyists looking to tell tales grand and small. Instead, these once-proud artists see themselves as disposable livestock.

  • Personal Demons and Human Folly/ What fuels the Fire: Mental illness and general stressors can affect an author’s outlook on their craft. They’re more prone to externalising logical fallacies, biases and other conundrums. A depressed or traumatised author may struggle to gain the energy needed to draw. An author suffering from an anxiety disorder or OCD may worry about the merit of their works. An autistic author may find it difficult to socialise with other authors. This is not a comprehensive list, but a selection of how this manifests.
    Mental illness also aids the chemical reaction that creates the poisonous plumes. The corporate outlook on art ignores mental illness and how it can effect artists. To those to subscribe to this mentality, the polished product comes first. For as long as it has existed, the capitalist mind regards the product first and its creators after. As a consequence of this, the afflicted go on to overcompensate for their conditions. This is what sustains the obsession around corporate worthiness. That if they tried harder, their hard work would be more appreciated. If they swallowed these feelings and kept them out of sight, they’d be more palatable to consumer tongues. More desirable, more consumable. If they sanded the harsh edges and took less creative risks, they too can become polished statues. Their pain can “pay off” and they can finally become worthy. Now you reading this might not suffer from mental illnesses. You may be neurotypical, or even lavished with the luxury of a stable, peaceful upbringing. But don’t fall into a false sense of security, as there are still chinks in the armour. While you’re comparatively tranquil, you are still prone to human folly. For as long as you exist, you can and will make mistakes. You may believe things that you then later discard. You may have insecurities around art, whether you’re aware of these or they lie dormant for time being. You may be fooled by misinformation or peer pressure. You may internalise corporate ideals. You may internalise the idea that suffering is noble and the ends always justify the means. You, in your own human ways, can still fall prey to fear, and thus, the Smog.

  • The Culture of Fear /The Ensuing Smog: What makes this phenomenon even more harrowing is how normalised it is. This isn’t confined to any particular age group either. As much as it’s easy to think in stereotypes, this is an all-ages problem. This Smog can sicken all, and this comes with many symptoms. Lengthy online posts lamenting how thankless it is to draw webcomics. Superficially lighthearted memes that spread like artistic wildfire. Resentment towards younger, more “invigorated“ artists. Joking about your comic being a malicious force that poisoned your crops, burned down your house and urinated on your face for kicks. Not spreading information on drawing ergonomics or how to treat soft-tissue injuries. These things seem innocuous, but they are the warning signs of this insidious problem. Webcomic authors are not only disempowering themselves, but also disempowering each-other. These topics are not easy to approach, but leaving them in obscurity only contributes to the Smog. If a topic remains in a shroud of mystery, then we are more likely to fear and avoid it. We’re more likely to spread misinformation about it and enable others to do the same. When we leave things in the dark, we create a culture of opacity instead of a culture of transparency. A culture of fear instead of a culture of understanding. So…How do we love our comics? How can we not resent eachother? How do we take care of our bodies? What can we do about platforms? How dependent should we be on these platforms? How do we handle self-hosting, if we wish to at all? How do we overcome the pressure to fit corporate standards? How can we treat ourselves with compassion and forgiveness? But most of all, how do we make progress when we don’t mobilise to push for it? Only when we recognise how sickened we are, we can learn to escape the Smog and seek out the fresh air of freedom. That we are not workhorses, but individuals with our own thoughts, feelings and personal limits.

Cast off the shackles of corporate avarice! Free yourselves from the bondage that we’ve been thrust into! We must take back our spaces, and transform our projects back into labours of love!



The Petz Iceberg


Written: 24/01/23

11 Minute Read

This is the first of my essays. An Iceberg is an exploitable image format used to display levels of knowledge on a given topic. The top of the iceberg is labelled with commonly-known facts and the levels below are labelled with increasingly obscure facts. I’ve loved Petz since I was a girl, so to show my love, I’ve created an iceberg of my very own.

The Sky

  • Breeding - Just like real animals, Petz can reproduce. Petz 5 uniquely allows Petz to give birth to entire litters of puppiez and kittenz.
  • Babyz - Babyz is an entry in the franchise where instead of Petz, it revolves around human babies. Unlike Petz, Babyz never received any sequel games and thus, remains as a single entry.
  • Default Petz Names - Each breed has a placeholder name that can be changed during adoption. A cat example of this is the name “Jester” for Calicos, and a dog example of this is the name “Boots” for Great Danes.
  • Every game after 5 is ignored - The games that came after Petz 5 were nothing like their predecessors, having none of the original gameplay elements, branding or aesthetics whatsoever. As a result of this, they're often ignored and scorned by fans.
  • Oddballz - By far the most experimental of the bunch, Oddballz revolves around strange, shape-shifting creatures. Unlike Petz, Oddballz never received any sequel games and thus, remains as a single entry.
  • Petz are made out of balls and lines - The unusual appearance of the Petz is a result of them being made of various balls and lines.

The Ice

  • Backwards Compatibility - Due to the consistent nature of the games and their code, they’re fairly backwards-compatible. This feature was quickly adopted and appreciated by the fans, with Petz 5 being criticised for lacking it.
  • Fan Communities - Petz has an enduring (and primarily female) fanbase that continues to maintain dedicated communities, some of which have existed for decades.
  • Hexing - Hexing is the practice of altering the game's files to create new or modified Petz, breedz, toyz, clothez and playscenez. These are shared for free on fansites, forums and chatrooms. The term hexing is a reference to the hexidecimal software used to alter Petz, particularly in the early days of the scene.
  • Inbreeding - Petz, whether this was by an oversight or PFMagic thinking it would be rather hilarious, can inbreed. Thankfully, inbreeding comes with no defects or other negative side-effects.
  • Nicknames for breedz - With any community, you'll get jargon and nicknames for particular things. For example, Meezers for Siamese Cats, Dalis for Dalmatians, and Calis for Calico Cats.
  • PetzA - PetzA is a well-known, long-running addon for games 2, 3, 4 and 5. It adds a mixture of bug-fixes and quality-of-life features to the games. You can play with more than two Petz at a time, adjust their needs with sliders, automatically breed them and much...much more.
  • Petz 4 is the most popular game - Out of the original games, Petz 4 is considered to be the best entry. This is because Petz 4 is the most technically robust, as well as having the best backwards compatibility.
  • Petz 5 technical instability - Petz 5 was developed by Ubisoft, and while it retained the original Petz aesthetic and gameplay, it quickly developed a reputation for being incredibly prone to technical maladies such as glitches and crashes. Some fans argue that this was a result of Ubisoft working on the game, deeming it to be a subpar effort. This is a notable contributor to 4’s popularity within most Petz communities, with fans citing 4 as more technically sound, and thus, a better choice than 5.

The Waters

  • Alley Cat Sliders - Alley Cats always have their "sickness" and "flea" sliders set to the maximum at all times, even with attempts to change this via PetzA. Some of the most prominent fans, including Carolyn of Caroyln’s Creations, have created Flealess Alley Cats as a remedy for this.
  • Chinchilla Persians were almost Ragdolls - According to their files, Chinchilla Persians were originally intended to be Ragdolls. This is reinforced by their breed name section, along with their two-letter breed ID, which has the initials “RD”.
  • Community Breedz - While hexed breedz are abundant, several fans have created their own selectively-bred breedz. The most well-known of these include Exotics, Patchworks and Tamsins.
  • Feature desirability for breeding - Some breedz have more desirable features than others, and are more widely bred as a result. An example of a desired feature is the Calico’s pattern. This also happens inversely, where some breedz can have dramatically undesirable features, and are thus, rarely bred. An example of an undesirable feature is the Chihuahua's whiskers.
  • Horniness - A Pet's desire to mate is shown by the slider "Horniness". Besides altering the slider via PetzA, you can increase a Pet's horniness with items such as the Heart Treats, the Love Potion or the Perfume Bottle.
  • PET.files over 20 years old - With a franchise of its age, there have been reported cases of Pet.files that are over twenty years old.
  • Petz Conversion - Fans have managed to convert Petz to different games. An example of this is the conversion of breedz from Petz 5 to prior entries. A lesser-known example of this is the conversion of Clothez and Toyz.
  • PFMagic Petz Website - PFMagic created a website for early Petz fans to find news, adopt petz, put up their own petz for adoption, and much more. The website has been archived from as early as 1996, and large parts of it can still be browsed to this day.
  • Pig and Rabbit sterility - Pigz and Rabbitz cannot breed, and in some cases, attempting to breed them will crash your game. Like with the Alley Cats, several prominent fans have created fertile versions of these particular Speciez.
  • Russian Blue eyes - Second-generation Russian Blue cats have noticeably smaller pupils than those adopted straight from the Adoption Center.
  • Unique personalities for each breed - Each breed was coded to have its own unique personality. A cat example is the “scaredy-cat” attitude seen in Orange Shorthair Cats, and a dog example is how Great Danes are especially prone to clumsiness.
  • Water is Useless - Numerous fans have discussed the importance of water, and whether it actually nourishes Petz or not. Some fans feel that water, while drunk by Petz when they’re hungry, doesn’t fulfill their Petz the same way food does. Thus to some, water is functionally useless.

Deeper Waters

  • Carrots cause crashes - Carrots are especially prone to causing technical issues such as slow start-ups and crashing. Fans report that this happens the most with half-grown carrots in the “Backyard” playscene, namely if the game is exited while the carrots remain in the ground. Some of these players have deleted carrots from their game entirely.
  • Cheesing the minigames in 5 - Cheesing is a term used to describe finding a consistent, but not quite-intended way to win a video game. This is no exception for Petz, namely with the minigames in 5. Numerous fans can be discovered having discussed ways to “cheat” these minigames, ranging from Tic-Tac-Toe with the gopher to Rock-Paper-Scissors with the knight.
  • Free DLC - PFMagic released free DLC throughout the lifespan of the classic Petz titles. The most notable of this DLC were new breedz of catz and dogz.
  • Ferrets - Ferrets were almost included as DLC for Petz 3, having been announced but never properly integrated.
  • Homosexual Petz - PetzA, as confirmed by one of its developers, has a glitch where two Petz of the same sex can fall in love and even breed. This seems to happen the most with female Petz, which are often dubbed “Lesbian Petz”.
  • Petz Abuse - While this entry is not as dark as some may anticipate it to be, it was a hotly-debated topic back in the early days of the Petz scene. Petz Abuse was defined by early fans as an excessive use of the spray-bottle item. Some fans fiercely opposed the use of this item, while other fans found this stance absurd and overly sentimental. This debate soon waned, and is considered as of writing this, no longer resumed.
  • Petz Death Vote - Post Dogz/Catz, PFMagic released a poll asking Petz fans if Petz should be able to pass away. Over 15,000 votes were made, with 55% of players voting "No", 10% voting "Yes" and 35% voting that it should be an option. An archived version of this discussion can be found here.
  • Petz with genitalia - Some hexers will give their hexed creations genitalia. Websites that host these particular petz tend to warn the reader about this before giving them the option to enter.
  • Trotting - Trotting is a behaviour displayed by Dogz with an acrobaticness value of 0, and happens the most when they’re playing. It resembles a bouncy, horse-like stride, hence the name “Trotting”. The gene that causes Trotting can be tested for, namely by dropping the dog near the bottom of the screen to see if it lands on its belly. Some breedz are more prone to this than others, with Sheepdogs having a 100% chance of trotting, but pet.files can be edited to give other dogz the Trotting gene. This is not the only behaviour, with there being 22 in total, but it’s one of the most pronounced.
  • Voice Recognition - Petz 4 introduced voice recognition, so Petz could respond to the player’s voice. However, this feature is rarely discussed by fans, casual players and outsiders alike.

The Depths

  • Advanced behavioural AI - Petz has eluded fans for decades by having some of the most sophisticated artificial intelligence for its time. Petz were known to have distinct personalities for years within fan communities, but the exact details of this remained a long-running mystery. After two decades of on-and-off investigation, one of the original developers of Petz was asked about the nature of Petz’ AI, to which this exchange happened.
  • Ballz - Ballz was a 2D fighting game made by PFMagic and released in 1994. While it was not financially successful, it went on to pioneer the spherical aesthetic of Petz, Babyz and Oddballz.
  • Catz and Dogz Gameboy Colour Ports - In December of 1999, the Gameboy Colour ports for the original Catz and Dogz games were released. These ports were critically panned, primarily for their technical limitations.
  • Cracked Dogz Virus - In the late 1990’s, a malicious program known as the Tentacle Virus spread around by disguising itself as a cracked version of Dogz.
  • Lost Petz websites - As time marches on, websites come and websites go. This has naturally happened to many Petz fansites. A list of these lost websites can be discovered on this page of the Petz Community Wiki.
  • Match Status - While the PFMagic Petz website was active, it had an online match-making center. Petz fans could recieve compatible mates for their petz, which they could then download for adoption.
  • Petz NightTrap connection - Rob Fulop, the creator of Petz, previously worked on the game Night Trap. Displeased by the controversy it became embroiled in, he wished to make a game that was “so cute and so adorable that no one could ever, ever say it was bad for kids”. He then asked a mall Santa what present children asked for the most, to which the latter replied “It’s still the same, the most popular thing that kids ask for is a puppy. For the last 50 years”. Thus, Dogz was released in 1995, with Catz being released a year after.
  • Petz Plushies - With the release of the original Catz and Dogz, the toy company Trendmasters created a line of plushies known as KittyCatz and PuppyDogz. Each plush was 10 inches tall, and came with hard plastic eyes, movable eyelids, and an electronic collar. These plushies also had props, these being a brush, a food/water dish, a toy mouse for catz and a toy bone for dogz. Each object could interact with sensors in the plush and cause it to play sounds such as eating or purring. While all ten breedz appear in the commercials, it's believed by Petz fans that only six of these breedz made it to mass-production. The remaining plushies, presumed to be lost, include ChiChi the Chihuahua, Chip the Scottie, Jester the Calico and Sophisto the Siamese.
  • The Invisible Pet Theory - This is a theory from the now-defunct Petz fansite known as Intron Exon. The theory revolves around genetics, that every time a pet is born, an invisible sibling is generated and saved as a second set of genes. When this pet is bred, it will pass genetics both from itself and the invisible sibling. This invisible pet can contain mutations, alongside genetics from their parents' very own invisible petz. Adoption Center petz also have invisible siblings, with these being identical in appearance.

That’s all for now! Well, unless I find some new things, then I’ll have to update this iceberg. I really wanted to add the “Catz in Catz 1 actually eat the mice they catch” thing, but I couldn’t find any solid video proof of it. I've seen it mentioned on TV Tropes, talked about on forums, but either I've missed something or there's really no video proof!...For now. If you have a copy of Catz, and you can prove whether this can happen or not, do let me know! As for the iceberg itself, I’ve consulted a number of wikis and websites, especially the RKC Petz Forum. Feel free to share my iceberg anywhere you wish, and if you ever want to make a video about this iceberg, you’re very welcome to do so.